This deviation has been labeled as containing themes not suitable for all deviants.
Log in to view

Deviation Actions

Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

September 25, 2014
Bloody Cupcakes by SirCassie is an eerie story sure to creep you out.
Featured by HugQueen
ThatAnnoyingRabbit's avatar
Published:
9.4K Views

Literature Text

This content is unavailable.
"Swinging herself around she looked hard at the chalkboard at the back of the room, written on the board in what looked like to be children's handwriting. It spelled out, "Its yor falt."  Now feeling nothing but raw fear Miss Moore tried to run out of the classroom but the door may as well been painted on the wall.." 



Thanks for the Daily Deviation by BatmanWithBunnyEars
Wow! I didn't think this would actually get a DD! definitely a
wonderful surprise to wake up to this morning! I am honored! :D
Mature
© 2014 - 2024 ThatAnnoyingRabbit
Comments172
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
ASadSadEmoChic's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

I didn't find this story very scary by any means. It just didn't have that factor. I mean, I could have felt something it I didn't get the sense that you tried too hard to make it scary. I've only written one horror story, so I don't have much room to talk, but you can't add a black, smoky mass into a story and instantly make it intimidating. But that's kind of all I have to say about what I felt could be improved plot wise.

The fact that you kept the "kid" naive and simple, even keeping his writing at what would be expected was really good. That's something most writers forget to add, therefore making their stories dry and not as stimulating as they could be.

I also found many grammar problems and spelling errors, but I would be a hypocrite if I reprimanded you on that. Everyone makes mistakes, and it sometimes may take weeks to find them all. A good way to proofread is to read the story about five days after you write it, then check it again a full seven days after. Having others read it is also good, and I see that you have done that. But the best way is to have yourself read it as well as more than one person, because sometimes one person may find things someone else didn't. (In fact, I probably have typos, spelling errors and grammar mistakes in this critique that I didn't catch.)

I'm giving three and a half stars for the vision, because while the theme was, in a sense, spooky, it did not invoke any strong feelings.

Four stars for originality, because the fact that you had a news report in the end is something I don't think very many writers would do. Also, what happened to the "kid" and why he hates science teachers so much was an added bonus.

Two stars for technique, simply due to the spelling errors and grammar problems.

And I would have given one and a half stars for impact, but I tend to be an emotionless people in general. So I'll give you three stars instead. c: